2012 has come and gone. And I'd like to say I have grown.
This past year both Joby and Kaleb got engaged. I moved back in with my parents. My grandma died. I starting going back to school.
Yes, those four sentences sum up the year pretty well for me.
I've always said I don't like growing up. I don't like people in my life growing up. I'd rather be selfish and have my brothers be my brothers forever. And really, that goes for extended family, as well. I don't want to share. I don't want to have to see family less than I already do. I learned a couple years ago that family are the only people who are there for you even when you aren't there for yourself. However, what I am slowly trying to learn with so many of my favorite people getting married, changing, growing, becoming adults--I'm not losing them. Our relationships are just changing along with everything else. Luckily, I couldn't love Kaitlin and Kathleen any more than I already do. I suppose if Joby and Kaleb are going to be making their own families, they sure are starting off right.
In May, I made a huge decision to move back in with my parents and go back to school. This was a hard decision for me, but, by far, the best decision I made all year--best decision I made in a long time. Going back to school really scared me. I didn't like admitting that I hated doing hair. I didn't like the idea of starting all over. And it really petrified me that I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. However, turns out, I really love school. I'm so happy to be learning again, and knowing that I am making a decision that will directly-positively effect the rest of my life. I'm proud of myself. I am not sure how long I will stay at my parents. Originally I thought that I would stay here as long as it took me to finish school. But, sometimes I feel like I'm not growing here. I rely on my parent's for so much. Mostly emotionally. And sometimes, I know I isolate myself up here. I haven't decided if that's healthy or not. I've always been a very independent person, I think. I like being alone, so I'm not sure if it matters I isolate myself in my parent's apartment above the garage, as opposed to my own apartment in the city. I'm really not sure. But, I'm happy. Most of the time.
Grandma dying had a bigger impact on my life than I think I thought it would have had, had I really thought about it before hand. I think in my head Grandma had left us a long time ago, but my head and my heart are two different things. I, thankfully, haven't had to deal with a lot of death in my life. I wasn't sure how her passing would affect me emotionally. However, I don't want to focus on any sort of sadness I felt. I like to think Grandma is somewhere with Grandpa smiling down on us all, and what could be better than that. Her passing reminded me that this is the one life I get, the one chance I have to make something beautiful. It reminded me how thankful I am she created such a wonderful family. How thankful I am to be part of this world.
This year has really made me think about what I do and don't want in life. Because of all the weddings coming up, I really have been trying to figure out how I feel about marriage and forever. I haven't been able to piece out my thoughts well enough to talk about them, yet. I'll let you know when I do.
For reals, I'll go into it someday.
This past year both Joby and Kaleb got engaged. I moved back in with my parents. My grandma died. I starting going back to school.
Yes, those four sentences sum up the year pretty well for me.
I've always said I don't like growing up. I don't like people in my life growing up. I'd rather be selfish and have my brothers be my brothers forever. And really, that goes for extended family, as well. I don't want to share. I don't want to have to see family less than I already do. I learned a couple years ago that family are the only people who are there for you even when you aren't there for yourself. However, what I am slowly trying to learn with so many of my favorite people getting married, changing, growing, becoming adults--I'm not losing them. Our relationships are just changing along with everything else. Luckily, I couldn't love Kaitlin and Kathleen any more than I already do. I suppose if Joby and Kaleb are going to be making their own families, they sure are starting off right.
In May, I made a huge decision to move back in with my parents and go back to school. This was a hard decision for me, but, by far, the best decision I made all year--best decision I made in a long time. Going back to school really scared me. I didn't like admitting that I hated doing hair. I didn't like the idea of starting all over. And it really petrified me that I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. However, turns out, I really love school. I'm so happy to be learning again, and knowing that I am making a decision that will directly-positively effect the rest of my life. I'm proud of myself. I am not sure how long I will stay at my parents. Originally I thought that I would stay here as long as it took me to finish school. But, sometimes I feel like I'm not growing here. I rely on my parent's for so much. Mostly emotionally. And sometimes, I know I isolate myself up here. I haven't decided if that's healthy or not. I've always been a very independent person, I think. I like being alone, so I'm not sure if it matters I isolate myself in my parent's apartment above the garage, as opposed to my own apartment in the city. I'm really not sure. But, I'm happy. Most of the time.
Grandma dying had a bigger impact on my life than I think I thought it would have had, had I really thought about it before hand. I think in my head Grandma had left us a long time ago, but my head and my heart are two different things. I, thankfully, haven't had to deal with a lot of death in my life. I wasn't sure how her passing would affect me emotionally. However, I don't want to focus on any sort of sadness I felt. I like to think Grandma is somewhere with Grandpa smiling down on us all, and what could be better than that. Her passing reminded me that this is the one life I get, the one chance I have to make something beautiful. It reminded me how thankful I am she created such a wonderful family. How thankful I am to be part of this world.
This year has really made me think about what I do and don't want in life. Because of all the weddings coming up, I really have been trying to figure out how I feel about marriage and forever. I haven't been able to piece out my thoughts well enough to talk about them, yet. I'll let you know when I do.
For reals, I'll go into it someday.
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