Herpes face is gone. Infected nose is in place.

Cool.

This week has been an interesting week.

I talked to an advisor for school yesterday. It was really inspiring. I changed my major--I mean I've never had a specified major. But, I was going to get an associates in business, now I'm going with an associates in art. I went in telling the advisor, her name is Rhonda, that I wanted to teach. We talked for a while and she eventually said it doesn't sound like I want to be a teacher. Which was probably a very accurate observation. She recommended I take some courses I'm interested in, talk to some specific programs/people at schools, and just get through my AA at Red Rocks, and decide as I move on.

So, here are my thoughts:

I'm thinking about going to, possibly, Metro and either double majoring in history and english--or perhaps major/minor. OR, finding a school that I can do one of the two with history and literature. Possibly after that I can pursue a masters in teaching or look more into the librarian program through DU. I realize none of these are super job applicable when it comes to the real world. But, Rhonda did a really great job at encouraging me to do something I enjoy and the rest will follow. Keep your fingers crossed!

But, either way, I'm excited for school again, and am pumped to be leaving RRCC in the spring of 2014--that's the plan, anyway. Wish me luck.

COLORADO
you fickle little state, you

So, winter finally hit. It just took until April. But that's ok, weather in the seventies this weekend...and I didn't get in a car wreck. I'll take it.

Life is good. I'm pumped for the summer. SOOOOOOO excited for every single little and BIG thing that will be happening in the next couple of months.

Some things to think about:

tattoos
debt
travel
residence
bread 
growing up
relationships

I have bruises again. That makes me happy. I almost have muscle again. That makes me happy. I have good friends. That makes me happy. 

So many things make me happy

it's April and the sun is shining...

Guys, life is hard.

I wish I could just eat bread and call it a day. I would go to sleep and smile at my rock hard abs and say goodnight to my beautiful husband, Ryan Gosling.

But, instead, I tell Rudolf we've got it good and unsheathe my knife to be prepared for a midnight intruder.

 I'm always prepared.

Spring break was fantastic. Mountaineering class is over. And that's sad.

My lips exploded. I have herpes face again. BUT, I hiked my first 14er! And felt like a champ. A CHAMP, I SAY! (a tired champ, I say....without the exclamation....more hyperventilating.)

Also, I learned to climb. Goal achieved! Next goal: CONTINUE CLIMBING. Mostly, continue being outdoors. Colorado really is quite beautiful. Shocking, right.

I am sorry if you do not understand sarcasm.

I've discovered exercise makes my body and my heart and my soul and my mind happy. Must.NOT.STOP. Sometimes 5:00am is a bit early. But, it sure beats a grouchy day. Holmes. Also, it's not as early as 4:00am.

I will still open my bookstore. But, perhaps I will teach to make money for said bookstore. I mean, I know teaching doesn't make millions of dollars. But, I don't see kiddos in my near future. Or ever? Or maybe millions of them. Heck, what do I know.

Must build up savings.

I mean, if you want to know my opinion, I think I should be able to marry a women if that is who I fall in love with. I mean, I don't think I want to reproduce...and even if I did, there a million and one ways for that to happen. By golly, and your anger and fear should not stop me from marrying a beautiful, kind, loving lady. I mean, love is love and why is your love any different than my love.
Granted, I'm not in love with a women--or a man--but, I just felt the need to throw my opinion right out there. Because, somewhere out there, there is a man, perhaps a women, waiting for me to find them--And I'll be darned if anyone is going to tell me what I can and cannot do once I find them. Now, let's not get all emotional....I'm not talking about marrying my sister, or a dog, or your mom. I'm also not talking about murdering any babies or drowning any nuns in a river. I'm purely talking about living life with someone I love.

Now, that I've finished with that, let's talk about my herpes face and another goal of mine. SUNSCREEN. SPF'd chapstick. I will not get skin cancer! 

a letter to you. I am not you.

Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself
                                -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't know if Ralph actually said that. I just know I found it on Pinterest, and I like it. I like words. They give me hope.

Spring break was last week. It was perfect. Now I'm back to real life, and I'm spiraling. Downhill. Fast. With tears. The tears started today. Around 11:30.

I'm being dramatic. Obviously.

I don't care. I'm done caring what you think.

I'm still being dramatic. Obviously.

We're just different people. And I don't think you'll ever understand. I'm sure that'll leave to an inevitable goodbye. I'll try to prepare for that.

The dramatics are just going to continue, so feel free to stop reading. Now.

Love is a strange thing. Family is a strange thing. I don't know if I want either. Both lead to broken hearts. I can live with my heart whole. Thank you very much.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About who I am and who I want to be. How people perceive me and how far from reality that really is. And how little perceivers care about reality...or me.

But, let me just say. I've been eating like shit, going on two weeks now. Eating like shit makes me feel like shit. It also makes my clothes not fit. I think I do it to punish myself. I'm sorry, self. I'll stop now.

Exercising makes me feel excellent. Happiness makes me feel excellent.



You can't make me feel ashamed of who I am. You can't make me say the angry words I want to say. I am not you.

I am going to make myself happy. Because I am happy. I am going to continue being a wanderer. Because I am a dreamer. I am not you.

I am going to make mistakes. I am going to learn from those mistakes. Then, possibly, I will make the same mistake again.

I am going to cry. I am going to laugh. I am going to be sad. I am going to be happy. I am going to sleep. Because I love sleep. You hate that I love sleep.

I am going to look better than you. Just to spite you.

I'll do what you ask. Because I love you. But it stops today.


And today it begins.