after all this time?

Ok, I'm going to give it a whirl.

Marriages. Weddings. Husband. Wife. Forever.

I think one of the most magical things I have ever experienced was Kaleb and Kathleen's first dance. I wasn't close to the dance floor and I really didn't have a very good view of the two of them, but "After the Storm", by Mumford and Sons came on...I think I was actually walking away from the dance floor when the song started and I turned around. And it was just....magical. The song is beautiful, and it was dusk, and I really do believe Kaleb and Kathleen love each other.

It's hard to say why my heart is turning. I don't know if it's because Kaleb's wedding has passed, Kaitlin's is coming up, and Mary's talks of engagement--do I just want to be in the same phase of life as all my favorite people? Am I wishful? Jealous? Lonely? Or just willing to believe fairytales do exist?

I know I've alluded at least once to John and my conversation over Christmas, and to sum it up, it went as such:

Katri:  Marriage is an unrealistic commitment that most people regret.

John: Marriage is hard, but worth it.

K, that is a very quick summation of how the conversation, but you get the gist of it. It's very hard for me to believe it is wise to decide you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone when you haven't even begun to live. Right now I think I do believe in marriage and do want to spend forever with someone, however I have little faith in my ability to wisely make that decision. Also, I have little faith in humanity that there is someone out there that will not bore me, or get bored of me. For some reason, in my head, marriage is the end of life. I really don't mean that to sound as morbid as it came off, but.....I'll have to continue these thoughts another day. I'm seesawing.

I just don't want to ever lose myself in somebody else.

People around me make me believe in love. Their love, if nothing else.

I mean, if Harry Potter is real, why not Love.





Also, I've just decided to underline and quote every single title, because I just don't know what I'm doing.

Thank you and goodnight.

nice try, but I won't pass on this

I'm not going to lie....I'm at work and I have spent the last 1.5 hours watching "The Mindy Project", but to be fair, I am caught up on all my work and Tim isn't here to see if he has anything he wants me to do. Is that a good enough excuse, probably not. But, it happened and I'm not going to try to hide it. Are you supposed to underline the names of TV shows or put them in parenthesis? I'll just do both.

There, done. I'm glad Mary doesn't read my blog. Winkity.

Ok, I have no money...but I love Jimmy Johns. I need to permanently stop bringing my wallet to work. But apparently that's a bad idea because I need transmission fluid for my car...and if I didn't have my wallet I would not be able to pay for said transmission fluid.

I feel a bit ill after today's consumption of Jimmy Johns. But, it was delicious. I get the #6, which is the veggie sandwich. I get it without cheese and mayo and add vinegar  salt and pepper, and hot peppers. I know you were curious. Seriously though, I need to stop spending money. Also, I get a cookie and salt and vinegar chips...I'm a bit afraid the cookie is what is making me feel not so fantastic.

K. On to the last two weeks!

Kaleb and Kathleen are now husband and wife. Woof. Doesn't get much more serious than that.  It was a busy week and happy day. Now, I'm not going to lie, it wasn't how I imagine it would be. For whatever reason I imagined it would be like a giant camping trip. It was not. Basically, what I am trying to say is the wedding was a lot of fun, but I didn't talk to/spend time with people like I thought I would be able to.

But, to sum the week up quickly, it went like this: JaneE's family got to CO on Wednesday, Thursday was bach/bachelorette parties, Friday was the rehearsal dinner, Saturday wedding! There just wasn't much down time....which is funny, because you would think there would be.

It was good to see everybody, even though it was for such a short while. I am so happy for Kaleb and Kathleen. It was a successful wedding/week!

Kaitlin's bridal shower was last weekend. It's crazy to think her wedding is so soon! Her bachelorette party is July 13th and I feel like that is just around the corner. It was nice/weird to go back to Idalia for the party. It's always strange going back there. I still think of it as my home, but feel like such an outsider these days.

Sorry I'm shooting thoughts out so unfluidly-like. But again, be glad I'm writing.

Tomorrow is Mommy's birthday. I need to pack. I need to pick up a present. I need a fluffy cat.

I leave on Friday and will be gone for 2 weeks. Woof.

James is his name. Giving names. Woof. I know.

I really do need to reflect on this wedding/marriage/forever stuff, like I said I would. But my thoughts keep changing. I keep going back to the conversation John and I had over Christmas and I just want to write stuff down as my opinion continues to change. I'll try to do that in August, after Joby and Kaitlin get married.

I have so many things to say, but I'm struggling focusing on one subject long enough to really say anything. I apologize for that.

For the record, I'm kind of excited for classes to start back up. But, not too excited. I want this summer to continue for a long time.

I'll try to post a more coherent post later this week. No promises.